Histoire de la littérature en anglais

This is not my first stay in rehab and surely not the last, rehab is truly the worst things I have done, and again they put me in a room, waiting for doctor take care of me and look at me like I was a little puppy who needed their help. Here everyone’s is nice, they try to convince people that being a junkie and an error of the society (that’s the expression my mother prefers for calling “us”) this in not that bad and the life could be worst, I mean we could be criminal! I always laugh so hard when doctor tell me that, they probably thinks I’m reacting like that because I used to be completely stoned but between being a junkie locked in a white room and eating frozen pudding and being locked in a cell and eating frozen cake there is only one step. While I was trying to find what could looks like a medicines or something (I was ready to take even a Tylenol, what’s a proof of how much I was depressed) for just stop the shaking who were in my entire leg, suddenly the door of the room just open and I run as fast as I could to the “bed” who was in the center of the room. A handsome men or women (actually my vision wasn’t that good as I think with my eyes completely popped by blood) just walk in the room, smiling like he is going to say to me “Hi you’re pregnant”. I heard some words in the background of my head but no one’s was really understandable, and I couldn’t open my mouth, she was so dried that I’m sure whispers of anything’s was sucked by her.

-Hi? You will finally answer to me? It’s not like I was calling you since five minutes.

-I didn’t heard anything, probably one of the many effect of being woken up in the middle of the night, taking by people you don’t know who are they just because, you’re great and very rich parents thinks that now you’re twenty four, you still cannot take care of yourself by sending you AGAIN in rehab.

-Poor girl….you don’t think it’s a lot for just a “Hi” answer?

For the first time since the men was in the room, I stop looking at the windows and staring this men eyes.

-Did you find that funny? Because as I know you’re not paid to making patient laugh but more like they said “cure us”.

The doctor start laughing, maybe he find my remark funny, or he’s also a drugs addict for laughing at jokes like that; that’s can probably explain the fact that he is so kind with me, instead of every people who used to talk to me since I’m “toxic” for them, even my family, they prefer to send me in rehab instead of really trying to understand why I’m doing this and help me…I heard about something like a downward spiral for categorized the case of most of the Junkie like me, we just steep ourselves, keeping our emotion because we know people wouldn’t take us at a serious way.

-I’m Doctor Eli Stevenson, by the way, nice to meet you! He said that and handed me his hand, he also, by doing that woke me up of my little “memories times”. What’s your name?

-Hum...My names is surely written on the paper you’re handle, and also my entire life so you doesn’t need to ask Isn’t it?

-It was just, what I’m used to call courtesy but if you want I can just make a blood test and go?

- Go ahead….I said that with a tone a detachment, I don’t want to make nice with anyone here or anywhere, people traded us like we were animals in a zoo, like we were inferiors as them.

Days and days passed, I don’t understand why but I was waiting impatiently the day of the usual blood test, finally Doctor Stevenson enter in the room not with the smile he had the first time we met, but more like a face of disgust, this time I wasn’t in the same state so why he looking at me like I was a Zombie?!

-Hi…. I said in a whisper, right now I was just feeling so stupid about the comportment I had last time.

-Oh so you don’t say to me one of your famous sarcastic report? Every patient likes to talk about you, actually I don’t know if they like you or not but you not let anyone indifferent, not even me!

-What is that mean? I was quit shocked by what he just said to me, he already hate me? Usually it takes more times for doctors to get pissed off me, I just win a record, and did I will get out of this place like I used to do? Doctor used to be so much tired of me, they let me go “thinking” I was able to start a new life In one hand that’s make me proud of me and how I get this ease to manipulated people but in the other hand, still in that confuse feelings, I feel like I was a little capricious girls, ready to do anything’s to get what she wants.

-That’s mean nothing. He said that with an elusive look. Well I didn’t ask last time, but how did you exactly fall in love with drugs stuff?

-Fall in love? This is serious? You didn’t find better expression than this?

-Aha, I’m sorry this is my first time in a rehab center and you’re the first person I’m asking so I had to try something.

-Am I like a test subject for your psychoanalyst time with your patient?

-No, no, I know everyone had some kind of a psychoanalyst for their rehabilitation but I want to ask you, because you intrigue me…

-Ok…well if you really want to know, my entire life was just a fairytales, I had everything’s, parents who loves me, a boyfriend, I was just finishing my studies in biology, a perfect future already planned. I’d never think life that one day I will be find completely brooked up, next to a dishes in a dark alley. Life used to be nice with me but I didn’t take my chance and I screwed everything’s, I guess drugged myself make me feel alive that’s the only reason why I am doing that, now I just move from rehab center and the street, even if my parents keep buying this place for a possible rehabilitation for me, I know and they probably know too, it’s impossible.

-Nothing is impossible, I hoped you know that, I believed in you and I think you can succeed. He said that and take my hand that was shaken since hours now, trying to make me calm down, he just speed up my heartbeat. What the hell is happening to me? It’s like I was starting liking this guy, who’s completely the opposite of me, he had a job, probably a wife and he has a life, not like peoples here, not like me. I didn’t get the time of answered him I had already lived the room and I was already missing his presence.

-Wow, I’d never think you like the horror books type, and Stephen King what a good choice! I had to admit, you quit impressed me! He whispered so close of my hear that I felt his warming voice in all my body, that’s completely make me chilling.

-Did you know if one these books take place in a rehab place? That’s could be very funny to read one to my “flat mate”. He started laughing so much and makes so much noise, that the librarian looks at in our direction like she going to kills us. But what are you doing at the library? It’s supposed to be for the patient and not for the staff.

-Yes, thank you but I know that, but this is my break and I want to passed it in the library, is that a crime?

-Only if you decided to steal one of her precious books. I showed the librarian who was counting (again) all the books. He smiles again, and then he took a book in one row behind me, and gives me a book named “You need it”. What is that? I asked completely lost.

-As its write, you need it! Indeed my sisters used to have drugs problems, just like you, she read this book, and it’s helped her to get out of this.

-You think a bunch of paper with ink on it, can help me? This is not serious I hope?

-Why not? Faster his faces just like liquefied when he saw I wasn’t receptive at his stupid “attention”. It’s works on my sister so why not on you? I am trying to help you, if you didn’t notice.

-In case if you didn’t noticed, like you said, I’m not your sisters and you probably thinking you knowing me, but you have no idea of who I am and what I am capable of, keep you stupid book for yourselves and keep concentrate on your job, like every doctors said, I’m a lost case. These words hurting me as my throats was burning but I had to said that, I don’t know what’s going on between us, but that scares me, I don’t want to love someone anymore, I am a danger for every people I care about.

He looked at me shocked by what I just said, he divert his black eyes on his watch, suddenly I paid attention to his watch, in plastic, she worth twenty dollars maximum, why a doctor who had surely a very good salary had a watch made with plastic? I get cut in my through by his voice who was very inhaled when he said that;

-I got to go, my break is over.

I followed him with my eyes and fast I get catch up by the reality with bells ringing for lunch time. These bells always remind me were just like kids trapped in the education system well look at me I have studies six years for ending in rehab that’s quit ironic. I always hate the eating time, I never be someone really sociable but here it’s worst talking with people just make me think more and more about drugs and it’s start getting really hard for me to contain myself. As I expected frozen pudding